If you’ve been around for a while, you know I always opt to focus on the positive side of this life of ours. But no question, if we were to break it down into a grouping of the positive vs negative aspects of being a special needs dad, the negative column would be significantly longer. We all know this shit is hard and a lot of us have some level of envy that our friends and peers have it so easy with their neurotypical kids. All of that can be true, but around here I want to make a choice to keep it in the positive column. And one of the unique benefits of going through the crucible of having a child with special needs is that we get forced into choosing who we want to be.
Most people just wander through life, never having to stop and assess who and what they are. But we had to. Having a child that goes through so much and has so many needs causes you to focus intensely on your priorities, your values, and who you need to be for them and for your family. It’s an opportunity that not many are given. However, what we find is that typical role models that we had in the past may not suffice anymore. So what’s really cool is that we can establish new ones for ourselves. It’s all about identifying people who embody your values, and constructing a new foundation using aspects that you admire and want to emulate. Broaden your horizons, find your people, take some material from them and start building with it.
Here’s mine as an example:
Role Model Matrix- choose 3 people
Michael Pollan: American journalist and author who writes on food systems, nutrition, and psychedelics, best known for The Omnivore's Dilemma and the maxim "eat food, not too much, mostly plants."
Jürgen Klopp: German football manager who won the Bundesliga with Borussia Dortmund and the Premier League and Champions League with Liverpool, known for high-pressing "gegenpressing" football and a charismatic touchline presence.
Jamie Oliver: British chef and TV personality who built a brand on accessible home cooking, and is also known for campaigning on school meal quality and child nutrition.
(A lot of you may not know these guys, and that’s fine. I threw in a one sentence AI summary to give a frame of reference)
Features I Admire
Michael Pollan- leads with curiosity and pursues his interests, disregards what’s simply popular or trendy, is always open to learning
Jurgen Klopp- builds deep human connections, sees the best in everyone, believes that we are better together
Jamie Oliver- shows that confidence is being yourself no matter what, puts his values ahead of society’s expectations
Common Themes Between Them- I can use these to uncover hidden connections that inform my foundation moving forward
Smile, have fun, do what interests you
Long and successful marriages. Open about their relationships with their wives
Be positive about life
Focus of the Week
Switched up the design of the newsletter, hope you like it. This is where I’ll be choosing one thing to share with you each week. Could be a social media account, a new study, a therapist or new therapy, a technology. Hopefully it’s relevant and helpful.
Recently, my wife sent me this guy’s Instagram account- @beahappierparent and, just like his other almost 500k followers, it spoke to us. He describes archetypes and situations that almost every marriage deals with, and just acknowledging and learning about it can be useful.
